The Storm

 

The year that was. 

We will all remember this year primarily as the year of loss (my year started early on December 18th, 2019 as I was let go from my job). 

Everyone lost something. Some lost more than others. Some are permanent and some are temporary. Some losses carry heavier burdens and larger collateral damage in their wake. 

Personally, I have lost family members, lost friends, lost money, lost my job, lost a part of myself. 

When you look back in your life during difficult times, when you were in the middle of the storm, you asked yourself "how am I going to survive."  How am I going to get through this?  

It's difficult to see your way through while you are in the eye of the storm. 

Haruki Murakami, a Japanese philosopher/writer once wrote;

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.  You won't even be sure whether the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain.  When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in.  That's what this storm's all about."

That's what this storm is all about. 

At the end of the day persevere, fight through, keep moving forward.  You have to. We have to. Life is too precious not to. 

Let 2020 stay in our minds, hearts, and souls as a permanent crack in our foundation. Focus on that crack. Make it stronger. Make it unbreakable.  Make it the strongest part of who you are.  

Athletes say that when they rehab an injury, that area becomes stronger. 

Welcome to 2021.  A time to rehab.  A time to heal.  A time to grow.  A new time. 

 

 

Plateaus are the Worst

 

"I don't want to plateau." 

"No.  Plateaus are the worst." 

The charming, flirtatious discourse between Beth Harmon and Townes in "The Queen's Gambit" is poignant to the storyline (no spoilers) but also is poignant to life (yes, art does imitate life and vice versa). 

To plateau is actually an oxymoron in itself.  You have reached either an objective or subjective high ground so you have accomplished something; to a point.  But, you cease to grow.  You cease to push past that point.  As they say, you can't stand still...there's only forward or backward. 

You hear it about athletes all the time.  "They have a low ceiling."  We all have created imaginary glass ceilings for ourselves in all of our endeavors.   

How can one push past their plateau?  

Read.  Learn.  Practice.  Listen.  Change. 

 All simple, all doable. 

"At some point, you will hit a plateau.  If you keep doing the same things you did to get to that point, make a change."  J.R. Rim 

Checkmate. 

You Can't Handle the Truth

 

"You can't handle the truth!"

The iconic line Colonel Nathan R. Jessep shouted when Luitentant Daniel Kaffee pushed and pushed the Colonel to answer the question "did you order the code red?!" 

We all know how it ended. Jessep admitted to ordering the code red and Kaffee gets justice at the end of the day. 

Lately, I have encountered a lot of people in life who can't handle the truth...about themselves. They continually avoid their own self-truth and distance themselves from who they really are (I tend to overthink self-actualization sometimes so much so that my wife identifies when I am being over-thinky). 

The person in the mirror. 

Self-actualization is one of the most powerful tools in life.  

Knowing your strengths. Admitting your weaknesses. 

Celebrating your good.  Owning your bad.   

Once you come to grips with your own reality, you are actually freer than you have ever been. You create balance with who you are, who you work with, who you love, and who makes up your inner circle. 

You can move forward because you are no longer bound by the fallacies you've created about who you are and how your orbits revolve around you. 

It all starts with you.  The rest comes easy.  

 

20 %

 

Are you a gambler? 

What is your threshold for the odds? 

Would you lay down a bet if you were 90% sure?  How about 75%? 

I'd say anything over 50% is fair game, right?  What about four to one odds?  That's a 20% probability. 

To put it in perspective...

Meteorology works with a 60% baseline probability.  

Baseball considers 30% a really good probability. 

Politics declares a winner at 50.1%.

Flipping a coin is exactly 50%. 

Insurance companies, lottery tickets, sports gambling...they all work on probabilities. 

What about the long shot? 

Four to One is a long shot.  Would you take it? 

Would you take it if you felt really strongly about it?  Would you take it if you felt this choice could be a game-changer?  Remember, if you go for the 20%, you might lose the other 80%, and then you are dead in the water.  But, the payoff...

Every once in a while, you need to put all your chips in on the long shot.  The reward far outweighs the risk.  Take a shot. 

Most of the time, it's the right call to play the odds. But if you always stick to the odds, you are the odd man out. Opportunity missed. 

"Roll it, boy...let 'em jump for joy.  Yeah, man...happy as a baby boy." 

Go ahead kid...roll 'em. 

Silence

Hello darkness, my old friend 

I've come to talk to you again. 

Just seeing the words makes you think of the melody. The harmony. The chords.

But what version do you hear in your head?  

Simon and Garfunkel or Disturbed? 

Each version has a life of its own. 

Each version evokes its own mental lightning bolt. 

The Simon and Garfunkel version brings more nostalgia.  It makes you think of the past in a melancholy way.  You are remembering. The images of your memories are blurry but you try to hold onto them forever.  There is a longing flame that won't die. 

The Disturbed version brings more pain.  It makes you think of the past in a regretful way.  You want to forget. The images of your memories are crystal clear but you want to forever let them go.  There is a dying flame that burns. 

One song.  Two interpretations. That's the quintessence of music.  One hears it with the heart.  The other with the head.  One smiles.  The other cries. 

On a music sheet, they are just words and symbols.  When performed from one's point of view, they come to life.  And that life point of view will always be from the vision of the performer and the ear of the listener.  

And whispered in the sounds of silence

Heard differently. 

Turn the Page

 

Life. 

It's a long book.  It has several plot twists and turns with new contributing writers and editors every day.  There is a long list of protagonists and antagonists. Several chapters that are uplifting and several chapters that absolutely crush you.  Things that make you laugh.  Things that make you cry.  It's a never-ending story. 

It's hard to grasp the whole story with only one chapter.  But, every once in a while, you hit a small chapter that gives you the essence of the whole. 

May 2018 was one of those chapters for me. New job, lost my sister, got married all in the same month.  That's a lifetime for some people. 

End of July to the beginning of September 2020 was another defining chapter. 

Experienced my son Jack's virtual HS graduation ceremony. 

My wife and I watched live from our bed sharing a glass of wine. 

Moved both my son and daughter into college.  

Jack is a freshman playing football at the University of Dubuque.  

Laurel is a sophomore at the University of Wisconsin-Stout. 

Took a trip to South Dakota with some great people. My gorgeous wife Lynn, Laurel, and her boyfriend Will and my youngest son Charlie and his friend Simon.  What a glorious adventure.  

Seems like a good five-week run, right? 

Now, mix in the plot twists and you have a real interesting read. 

• My mom's struggles with anxiety. 
• All three of my student children dealing with virtual school and the COVID 19 consequences. 
• No football for my sons. 
• Topline revenue concerns for my company. 
• Friend's losing their businesses. 
• Social concerns. 

There are even more of these critical plot twists but that's what keeps us reading until the epilogue, right? 

Life-like Pulitzer prize stuff right there all in 5 weeks.  A microscope chapter of the telescope book. 

Novel. 

That's Life. 

Option B Feels Like Option F

This is what the fall will look like in school districts across the country. 

Empty chairs.  Empty whiteboards and chalkboards. Empty heads. 

No in-person classes.  All virtual. 

I am going to use a writing crutch right now to emphasize a point. I am pulling Webster in for defining purposes only. vir-tu-al; almost or nearly as described, but not completely or according to strict definition.

Don't know about you but "almost" and "nearly" really don't hit home with me when it comes to my kids.  "Well, he almost accomplished that." "She nearly received that."  Cliche but it sounds like we are playing with horseshoes and grenades here.  

From a social, emotional intelligence and intellectual perspective, kids need to be in school.  Period. Teacher-student and student-student interactions are critical and crucial. In-person builds the person. The dynamics make it dynamic. 

The same rings true with sports. The lifelong lessons that come from sports are invaluable.  Teamwork. Hard work. Commitment. Resolve. Learning how to win and lose graciously.  Mixing the pain from losing with the elation from winning into one big ol' cocktail is the elixir that makes life work.  

Whether it be the classroom or the field,  empty chairs and empty sidelines neither fills the heart nor the head. 

Simply put, "almost" and "nearly" don't cut it.  

I get it.  We don't have answers right now and everyone is trying very hard to make this work but "virtual" leads to a virtue-less. 

Give me the real thing.  Anyday of the week. 

Daguanno? Here. 

The Beard Paradox

That's me with a recently trimmed beard.

(Yeah, I know...very little pepper in those salt and pepper whiskers).

My wife loves the look of the beard on me. When I have attempted to shave it off (all together or partially), she states "that's not what she signed up for."

Conversely, she also has said it feels like acupuncture when my beard touches her skin.

I bring you "The Beard Paradox."

The Beard Paradox is basically something in life that on one hand is desired but on the other hand, it is unwanted.

Ahhh, the rose. So pretty. So delicate.

A signature sign of love.

But, damn those thorns hurt!

John Cougar said it best.




Hurt so good
Come on baby make it hurt so good
Sometimes love don't feel like it should
You make it, hurt so good



And now you know about "The Beard Paradox."

And always remember, where "beard" comes from...

Being Exceptional Among Regular Dudes.

True story.

To Believe

Remember "Polar Express?"

Remember when the Tom Hanks character punched the ticket with the word "believe" on it. That's all the main character had to do to make the Polar Express and Santa real. Believe.

The Disney character, Jiminy Cricket was always telling boys and girls everywhere to believe in the magic of Disney.

Whether it be the love of Gepetto for his son Pinnochio, the magic of a kiss from a prince or a friendship between a fox and a hound, it was always about believing.

"When you wish upon a star..."

All you had to do was to believe and all your dreams would come true.




Let me tell you about another kind of belief.

This is when someone believes in someone else with all of their heart.

They believe in them as a friend. They believe in them as a spouse. They believe in them as a parent. They believe in them as a co-worker. In every facet of life.

The power and confidence that comes from that belief can erase any measure of insecurity. It's given freely and unequivocally as a gift. It's the most beautiful benefit of love.

Moves mountains.

“There is no greater power and support you can give someone than to look them in the eye, and with sincerity/conviction say, 'I believe in you.”

The "P" Word

That's a picture of my beautiful family on our wedding day.

I draw strength from them. They motivate me to be the best version of me. I love them dearly.

They are the spark.

They are my passion.

Passion is the fuel that drives everything but it is so hard to define. It helps you sleep like a baby, but wakes you up at 3am and turns on your brain. It speeds you up and slows you down at the same time. It creates tears and cheers all at once. It brings joy through the push towards excellence but frustration through the push towards perfection. Without it, there's nothing.

My other passions?

Coaching.

I love helping players and co-workers realize their potential. I love the lessons (on both sides).

Those a-ha moments of clarity that create stepping stones to better things. Teaching seems more one to all whereas coaching seems more one to one.

I have coached my whole life (my Dad did as well) and you will never be able to take the coach out of me (even if they do take my whistle away eventually).

Working out.

I worked out in high school and college because I had to. I started working out in my late 20's because I wanted to.

The temporary escape from all of the nonsense in the world.

To remember and forget while you sweat.

The alone in the world and connected all at once feeling.

Feels good.



I have one more...

Take a guess.

Forget the Q...but don't ever forget to mind the "P"

Can I Cut In?

Whether or not you were an NBA fan, let alone a Bulls fan, the documentary "The Last Dance" was an interesting study in the human psyche, relationships, motivation, coaching, and team dynamics.

Whether it was the insecurities of Pippen and Krause, the Zen-like approach of Phil Jackson, the mercurial attention-seeking needs of Rodman, or the bombastic alpha leadership style of Jordan, it was a microscopic view on life.

Takeaways...

The core competency of a successful coach (boss, parent, etc.) is to treat each individual as an individual. One size does not fit all. You have to know who you can push harder and who you need to help pull through. Who needs tough love and who just needs love. You are guiding. You are orchestrating. You are focusing on the common good. Big picture thinking. It's not about you. It's about them. Don't do things to them. Do things for them.

The art of coaching as a player is just that; an art. To be able to build trust, respect, and chemistry as a peer is so powerful. It's leadership. Some people lead because they have a title (I argue that those really don't lead but manage) others lead because of who they are.

Zen is real and very powerful.

Insecurities can ruin a really good thing.

And finally, we all would love to be able to write our own song that goes with our last dance. For most of us though, it just doesn't happen.

Jerry Krause was villanized for breaking up that team but he actually did that Bulls dynasty a favor. They knew it was going to be their last run together. How differently would you approach things if you knew it was going to be your last dance? You would give 100%. You wouldn't take anything for granted. You would live life to the fullest. Pretty good way to go out. Don't you think?

1,2,3,4. 1,2,3,4. 1,2...

You Are OK

Roger Sterling said some brilliant things over the years.

Keen insight.

Snappy one-liners.

Brilliant comebacks.

But one of the best was at the end of the run when he told Don "You are OK" and then kissed him the cheek.

Why was that so good?

Because it's something we all need to hear. Sometimes, we get caught up in our own thought bubbles. We feel like we are alone out there. The walls are closing in. The roller coaster is stuck on a permanent downward trek and you aren't seeing the climb back up. There is no freaking light at the end of the tunnel.

But then, we have a random conversation with a friend or loved one and you realize you aren't alone. You realize everyone else is going through the mud as well. You realize "you are ok."

We all would love to be great all the time. But that's a fantasy. It doesn't work that way. We have great moments. Great experiences. Great memories. But, greatness isn't a permanent position. Being OK is.

OK has been described as the most frequently spoken or written word on the planet. There's a reason for that.

Next time you are feeling lost. Just remember, we all are waiting for you at the OK corral.

Saddle up, partner.

Two Elvis Moods and The Cocktail of Your Choice

Love me some Elvis!

Both Costello and Presley.

The Itunes shuffle struck gold this week with back to back Elvis. "Alison" and "Little Less Conversation."

Alison, I know this world is killing you.
Oh, Alison, my aim is true.

Baby, close your eyes and listen to the music
Drifting through a summer breeze
It's a groovy night and I can show you how to use it
Come along with me and put your mind at ease

Both struck a chord with me. Both artists made me feel something different.

I started pulling up more songs from both.

Costello was thought inspiring. Made me think. Memory filled. Presley was thoughtful. Made me forget. Present tense.

Costello is a storyteller. Presley is the story. Costello is about the lyrics. Presley is about the music.

Costello is a dark dive bar on a Friday night. Presley is a bright dance hall on a Saturday night.
Costello is beer and whiskey shots. Presley is wine and martinis.


Same first name. Same art. Different spirits, for sure.

Long live Elvis!

Dream Realized

She walked into the room.

Stunning grace.

And I was struck by her natural beauty.

I watched the way she carried herself.

I got carried away.

Mesmerized.

So confident. So elegant. So smart. So sensual.

She protected her tribe fiercely.

Wonder Woman.

I wonder…

She crossed her leg and turned to the side.

Away from me.

Hoping to get her attention.

I wanted her. I needed her. I was already falling.

I didn’t know she existed.

From that day forward, she did.

Dream realized.

To Be Essential or Not To Be Essential?

On December 18th, I was deemed non-essential for my previous company.

On March 18th, I was deemed essential for my current company.

Didn't realize one had the ability to become essential in three short months. That's a helluva online course!

The term "essential" has obviously taken on new meaning during the Coronavirus pandemic. Essential employees. Essential businesses. Essential services. It begs the question; who judges who or what is essential and who or what isn't? I would argue that just like the food chain, everyone plays an essential role but essentiality is truly in the eye of the beholder. How did I go from non-essential to essential in three short months? I didn't change. But, the people around me did.

But, here's the thing; essentiality is not to be judged by others. Essentiality is within each and every one of us. Each of us has an internal pilot light that just needs a spark to light.




Once it is lit, essentiality is born.

Don't let someone else randomly choose whether or not you are deemed essential. Discover it yourself.

Find the spark that lights the light.

These are trying times for sure. Lots of questions. Lots of doubts. But don't doubt your own essentiality.

To be essential or not to be essential? There is no question.

Living in Delta House All Over Again

Bluto. D-Day. Otter. Flounder. Pinto.

They are forever immortalized as the greatest fraternity brothers ever.

Fraternity brothers.

There is a bond that is created in a fraternal environment. A bond that lasts a lifetime. Having your brother's back. Taking a bullet for your brother. Being there. It's all a part of it.

The coaching community is a fraternity in and of itself.

I know it sounds overstated but when you go to battle with a brother, you never forget it.

Each of you plays a role. Each of you has a job.


Each of you needs to pull your weight or the job doesn't get done.

You will never forget the highs and lows. The pain and the gain. The "thrill of victory" and the "agony of defeat." All because you went through it together.

There's another kind of fraternity I just fell into.

Bartending.

I just recently started working a couple of shifts at my local watering hole and the instant siamese twin-like bond was evident from the first ice cube to the last call.

Same feeling as coaching but there's more spirit(s).

“By the time a bartender knows what drink a man will have before he orders, there is little else about him worth knowing…”




Whether you are tending bar or tending to players, it's the same fraternity. One's with footballs...the other is with highballs.

Just always remember. No matter the fraternity. Try to avoid "double secret probation."

Black Coffee, Namaste, Sweat and a Little Bit of Funk

So recently, I had one of those life curveballs that come at ya.

On December 18th, I was let go from my position unexpectedly. No warning. No build-up. Nothing. It was quite the punch in the gut (I was asked by someone if this was my first time and it was. He had been fired a few times in his career and he wore it like some kind of badge of honor. I found that weird, but oh well). I went home and watched "It's A Wonderful Life" with my cat and started mapping out my next steps. I could put the situation in a little bit of a box for the first two weeks because we had the holidays and a New Year's trip to Iceland but once reality set in, it was time to process.

Side note; I am back in the workforce so there is a happy ending. Didn't want to bury the headline.

First of all, you do go through the normal grieving process when something like this happens. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. All present and accounted for.

So what got me through this temporary employment black hole? Here are some keys to success;

1.) Networking -- I reached out to my network and set up shop at the local coffeehouse. I scheduled meeting after meeting while caffeinating heavily. Talked to a lot of people and kept that magical elixir pouring through my veins. It was good to engage the mind and map out my next steps.

2.) Yoga -- Once my mind was engaged, I needed to fill my soul and breathe. It's like the song from Pearl Jam, "Just Breathe." It was good to remember to do so.

3.) Workout -- I was at the gym 22 times during the month. Needed to sweat. Got the heart pumping and took out some frustrations on the barbells.

4.) Socialized -- I am talking about the real kind of social networking here. Actually meeting people in the flesh and blood over a cocktail. There's a great little dive just down the street named Funk's and it hit the spot. Saw friends, shared spirits, celebrated, commiserated, laughed a little and just hung out. Good stuff Maynard!

So there ya go. Your own little survival kit for the unexpected employment curveball.

"F you Jobu. I do it myself."

Yeah Baby!

You know it. You can just feel it. You can walk into a room and everyone can see it. Your friends and family vibe off it. It's that confident feeling that no matter the dilemma, no matter the situation, no matter the risk, you've got this.

Self-confidence.

It's the dash of the perfect spice to the recipe for success. It's also the Achilles heel for many of us.

Remember when Austin Powers lost his 'mojo?' That crushed him. He couldn't function in his job (or in the bedroom). He didn't have that same edge. He had lost the spice.

We all go through things in life that temporarily remove our mojo. Our lizard brain starts talking and we do whatever we can to keep our mojo down. Remember, it's a temporary thing. Get out of your own brain and be confident in who you are and what you can do.

If you feel your mojo slip sliding away, bring out your inner Stuart Smalley. "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me!"

Call it what you want. Stella had her groove. Austin had his mojo. But, don't ever forget where you left it.

"So, can I ask you one question, baby?"

Time, Love and Your Gut

20 years.

Seems like a long time doesn't it? It is in some aspects. We get a lot grayer. A little more out of shape. Wiser (hopefully). We get a broader view of the world with a more narrow focus. Time changes.

But there are two things that don't change over time.

Love and the trust in your gut.

I fell in love with my wife a few years ago. But our paths almost crossed originally 20 years ago because of careers. I contend to this day that we would've met and the feelings would've been the same. Attraction is timeless. Love is timeless. If Doc's Delorean would've dropped Marty McFly off in the late 90's, he would've felt the same way he does today.



Take it to the bank.

20 years ago, I met a C-suite potential future employer over martinis. We had a great conversation. Shared concepts, ideas and vision. Something didn't feel right though. I turned down the opportunity. 20 years later I accepted. Didn't work out. No harm...no foul. Took a shot.

No matter how many seconds, minutes, hours or days pass...trust love and your gut.

Love and your gut don't read time because those two things are timeless.

They both take a helluva licking...but always keep ticking.

No batteries required.