Goals, Randomness, Spaghetti, Iceland and Mexico

This represents my 12th blog of the year and it achieves the goal I set out at the beginning of the year. It may not sound like much to you but after I haven't hit double digits since 2013, I feel good about my B level work this year. My effort has been at an F level for the last several years and it was time to self-correct.

I love to write and one would think if you love to write, then you would do it more often. One would think. I think we all do this to ourselves. We get caught up in the mundane minutiae of life. The elements of life that lead to furrowed brows and wrinkles. The orbits we can't control. And we forget the simple things that make us happiest. Keep doing the things that make you happy. Simple as that.

You might think I am taking the easy way out to get to 12 with one of my "random thought" productions. I don't. I've got a lot of randomness in my head that needs to be put through a spaghetti strainer and ends up here.

Don't strive for perfection. Strive for happiness.

Some people really do suck.

The Polar Express is still one of my favorite holiday movies. The message is clear; always believe.

You will have several Lotus flower experiences in life. Remember, the mud comes first.

There really is nothing like walking on the beach.

You can't be an asshole if you are also an idiot.

Blood, Sweat and Tears did understand the essence of life;
What goes up must come down
Spinnin' wheel got to go 'round
Talkin' 'bout your troubles it's a cryin' sin
Ride a painted pony let the spinnin' wheel spin

Vision is underrated.

Soulmates do exist.

Experiences are much more precious than things.

My Dad was right; smile and the world will smile with you...frown and you are all alone.

Epilogue; The picture at the beginning of the blog is how my wife and I started the year in Iceland. The last picture is us at the end of the year in Mexico.

"Are you in?"

Well, are you?

Watch Out for Oliver Queen

Ever try and turn a sailboat against the wind?

Ever try to swim against the current?

Ever try to "boldly go where no man has gone before?"

It's hard for sure but extremely rewarding.

If you have been tasked with innovation and vision, you realize very quickly that the arrows behind you are more damaging than the arrows in front. More often than not, the circumstance, the market and/or the rules have dictated the reason for the vision or innovation. It's the people behind you that don't often see it yet. They are frightened of change. This is true for interpersonal relationships, for business, for coaching, for anything in life.

If you can continue to navigate through the forest and the trees in front of you without having to continually battle with the people behind you, you will succeed. More often than not though, the distraction of having to look back and justify usually throws you off course.

There are times when you have to pull people through and there are times when you will have to push. Feel the difference?

Keep your eyes on the road of life. Keep moving forward. Keep raising the bar. Once you have your own back, others will follow.

Ollie, why don't you go ahead of me?

The Boys of Fall

They didn't let just anybody in that club
Took every ounce of heart and sweat and blood
To get to wear those game-day jerseys down the hall
The kings of the school, man, we're the boys of fall

Last night, I witnessed my oldest son's last high school football game as they were beaten in the state playoffs. As he walked off the field and our eyes met, we grabbed each other and held on as tears streamed down both our faces. So proud. "It's been a great ride, son."

On the drive home alone, my mind went back to our backyard when he was little and just starting to learn the game. My mind went back to my Dad. My mind went back to my football career. Lost in the smell of the freshly cut grass, the sounds of pads crackling and the smiles and tears of games gone by.

I've always said football is the ultimate team sport. But, it's so much more. It's a brotherhood like no other.

I have played, coached, talked about the sport on radio and TV and watched thousands of games.

The life lessons the sport teaches are too numerous to count.

I have had the pleasure of coaching both of my boys; seven seasons each. The view from the sidelines as a coach and a dad is amazing.

From my Dad to me and from me to my boys. Life and football. Always intertwined. Always connected.

It's I got your number, I got your back when your back's against the wall
You mess with one man you got us all
The boys of fall.

Jim McKay for the Win

"The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat."

Iconic sports reporter and broadcaster Jim McKay so eloquently summarized the game of sport (and life) with that one simple phrase.

In life, it as an absolute truth that you will savor the sweetness of victory and dine at the buffet of defeat. You will win some and you will lose some. Knowing that, doesn't remove the pure joy from the win or the bitter disappointment of the loss. The two are intertwined. It is the loss that makes the win work though. The low turn of the roller coaster after a loss is followed by the high ride back up.

If you love winning more than hating losing, you are missing the point.

Both the loss and the win carry powerful magic that is undeniable.

I have coached and played thousands of games over my lifetime. I have lost plenty and won my share. They could certainly fill a book.

Two of the most memorable wins involved coaching my sons in football.

Two magical seasons.

The first was my oldest son's flag football team in 2010. A group of kids who didn't know each other when the season started went on to form a bond and win the championship.

The second was my youngest son's 2016 6th grade season. They went undefeated and it was punctuated in the final game of the year beating an undefeated team at the last second on a goal-line stand.

Winning and losing. Losing and winning. Thrill and agony.

It's all a part of the game.

Well...are you?

They say "being there is half the battle."

I disagree.

Being there isn't even close to half.

You can "be there" but not be invested. You can "be there" but not be connected. You can "be there" but not be in.

Are you in?

That's what Thor Heyerdahl asked of his men when he was looking for commitments on the Kon-Tiki Expedition in 1947. The Kon-Tiki expedition was a journey by raft across the Pacific Ocean from South America to the Polynesian islands. Heyerdahl believed that people from South America could have settled Polynesia in pre-Columbian times.

Heyerdahl needed committed men for his journey. He needed men who "were in."

No matter the journey, task, event, relationship or job, ask yourself "are you in?" If not, you are just there; filling a void. If you are really in, you feel it in every fiber of who you are. The highs are so high you need supplemental oxygen just to breathe. And the lows are so low you need a crane to dig yourself out.

Are you in?

Life's too short not to be.

2386 Park Avenue

Sometimes we take a trip down memory lane in our mind. A slice of your past gets past Broca and re-enters your "now" conscience. Then it slowly fades and is put back in the mental attic.

Sometimes though, you take a real trip down memory lane and bring your physical being into the place your mind has gone.

I went to my hometown last night. Had dinner with family at "our" restaurant and then decided to drive by my old house. Then I decided to walk around the back of my old house (we lived on the 12th fairway of the Country Club). Then I decided to knock on the door. The people who lived in our house now were so generous and allowed me to come in and stroll down memory lane. It had been 2008 since I stepped foot in there after we said our last goodbyes to our father.

It was amazing.

The memories flooded into my head and I couldn't help but smile.

Football.
Christmas concerts downstairs.
Nerf hoops.
Breakfast with dad.
Hot Wheel courses.
Frisbee with my sister.
Yelling Shazam and hoping lightning would strike.
My bike.
And many more...

And then there was my tree.

When I introduced myself, they said "It's the Joe from Joe's tree!"
I planted a small seedling on Arbor Day in 1972. It grew into an amazing beast of a tree. It was beautiful. They told me they had to cut it down a couple of years ago because it had split but they knew it was "Joe's tree."

I am still smiling this morning from my time capsule moment last night. I was transported back in time. I was home again. I was young again.

No major life lessons to learn. Just a simple stroll on a starry night in Beloit Wisconsin.

Simply magical.

Missed it by that much

Remember Maxwell Smart?

The 1960's secret agent who alongside the alluring Agent 99 attempted to thwart the attempts by KAOS (the international organization of evil) to takeover the world?

Remember Smart's catchphrases? "Would you believe...?" "Sorry Chief." "Good thinking, 99!"

"Missed it by that much."

Ever look at your life and realize how close you came to having your life go in a completely different direction? How the course of your path was molded by what seemed at the time to be a very small decision? How you missed something...by that much?

I am not saying going from bad to good or vice versa. Just how it would've been different.

Where we are today is the culmination of thousands of puzzle pieces that have been collected over the years and placed in our lives.

I have a lot. I've also missed some things. We all have.

(Excuse me, I need to call my friends with this revelation).

Curve balls, change-ups and strikeouts.

I have always said, don't judge a pitcher until he goes through the line-up the second time. Hitters start seeing the ball better. They pick up the spin and rotation better. Their timing is better.

The pitcher then needs to adapt. He needs to change things up as he goes to counter the hitter's strategy.

Second time through.

It plays out in life as well. Doesn't matter what situation you find yourself in. No matter what level of adversity. Once you've seen it once, you are better equipped to handle whatever hits you the second time around.

You gain experience. You gain perspective. You gain insight.

There is one catch though. Sometimes you can't just "learn from the situation." You need to unlearn.

The great Zen philosopher Alan Watts once said "A scholar tries to learn something everyday; a student of Buddhism tries to unlearn something daily.” Unlearning creates a paradigm shift that rotates the view of the situation 180 degrees. By changing the lens, the situation itself creates a different dynamic altogether. Rather then second time through, it becomes first time through.

The key is knowing when to learn something or unlearn something altogether.

Batter up!

Live In Peace

Rest. In. Peace.

The words come easy. So easy that the acronym has probably become the most cliched, hashtagged phrase in the English language.

#RIPStanLee

#RIPTimConway

#RIPDorisDay

#RIPBartStarr

Those are just a few from recent headlines. All deserving the salute. They all lived their lives to the fullest. A visionary who brought comic books to life. A comedic genius who always made us laugh. An actress/singer extraordinaire who made us fall in love. And a quarterback who made us see sports through a gentleman's eyes. Rest In Peace. You've all earned it.

Here's the catch though. The prologue is about living in peace. Living in fun. Living in passion. Living in love. Living in play.

The picture on this blog is of my dad and my sister dancing at my brother's wedding many years ago. Two dear people who loved life and it showed in everything they do.

Want to rest? Live first.

To the rest of your life! Cheers!!

Just Do It

To own or to have something is important.

To do things is more important.

I have owned plenty over the years. Brand new, big houses. Brand new, big cars. Brand new clothing. Brand new things. You know what though? They are all gone for the most part. Sold. Moved. Moved on. Not at all sad about that. Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy those things but at the end of the day, the things are fleeting moments in time. Temporary placeholders for the experiences and the people in my life. The hard cover that houses the pages of your favorite book. The music apparatus where your favorite song lives. The screen where you saw that one movie you always go back to. It's not what this is about.

Over the last several years, I have downsized into a much smaller house. A much smaller car. Stopped going out and buying things and started going out and doing things.

I have traveled to places I have never imagined going to. I have seen things I never could have dreamt of. I have experienced things I will never forget.

Downsized so I can experience life's upside.

To do really is to be. Just do it!

PS; The picture is my wife and I hanging out at the waterfalls of Iceland.

Good Grief

Everyone remembers good ol' Charlie Brown right? The lovable loser who loved his dog and his friends unconditionally. When things went bad for CB (and that was often), he would exclaim the words "good grief" in frustration (ARRRRGH was also a popular one from Chuck back in the day as well but that's for another blog).

Last year, I lost my sister. She was one of my best friends. I have been grieving ever since. It's coming up on the one year anniversary and my mom reached out to see what I wanted to do for it. I thought about it and came to the conclusion that I wanted to have fun on that day with people I love. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to hear song. I want to live even more on that day alone. My mom on the other hand wants a quiet day of reflection.

See, the two of us have been grieving for almost a year and we couldn't have been more polarizing on our means of dealing with the loss. Neither is right or wrong. It just is.

Good grief is different for us all. What's good for me or you, may not be good for another. The key is to grieve in your own way. It's a part of the process and a key step towards healing and closure.

It's taking me a long time to realize I can't change my mom or anyone else for that matter in this regard. I can listen. I can appreciate. I can be there. But, I can't take away the pain by imposing my vision of grieving.

Good grief? It's all relative.

Thanks Chuck!

(And, this little piece of unsolicited advice didn't even cost you the 5 cents Lucy charges)

Enough Already!

None of us like to give up.

We are taught from an early age that 'quitters never win and winners never quit.'

It's probably the most known axiom of all time.

It's also the one that probably speaks half truth a lot of the time.



(That extra space allows you time to pause to let that last line sink in)

You see, there is a difference between 'giving up' and 'had enough.'

There are definitive situations where the pain or risk of keeping something going outweighs the reward of actually accomplishing the goal.

I can't remember one Disney movie or Hallmark special where the protagonist gives up. Imagine Simba just deciding Hakuna Matata was really the way to go and that was the end of the story. Imagine the 1980 USA hockey team actually giving up against the Russians and settling for a bronze medal.

But, it does happen in real life and it's okay. You have to be aware of when enough is enough. Does the freedom from the burden overrule the outcome?

I am not advocating just giving up whenever but I am saying weigh the endgame when considering your options.

Throwing in the towel might just be better than crying in your towel.

Enough is enough.