Max

 A reason, season, or lifetime. 

That's the old axiom about people who come into your life. 

Some come in for a reason.  Some for a season.  And, some last a lifetime. 

For me, Max (far left) was a reason.  I am sure it would've been a lifetime but Max's life ended way too soon. 

Max and I met via radio.  He was an on-air personality at the local country station and I was starting a sports station. 

Max needed a change from being "talent" so he transitioned over to the sports station with me. 

We became partners in crime. 

He passed away of cancer at the age of 41. 

For several reasons, I think of him often.

• His three rules of life... 
•     There's not enough free food in the world. 
•     People suck. 
•     Everything comes in threes. 
• His drink of choice...
•     Rolling Rock with three olives. 

But most importantly, it was the lesson I learned when I last visited him in the hospital mere days before he passed. He stared out the window and without spoken words, I felt what he was feeling.  

I won't dive into it because that's between me and Max, but to summarize...

Life is short so enjoy it to the fullest and for F--k's sake, don't ever settle for less. 

"I'll take a Rolling Rock...

...with three olives please." 

Cheers. 

24

 

Sorry to disappoint the Kiefer Sutherland fans (not a fan per se but I do appreciate his work), but this episode of 'the Cosmos' has nothing to do with the scintillating action series with the same numerical title. 

It has to do with a random goal, motivation, and finding your arc. 

24 is just simple math. 

12 months. 

2 blogs a month. 

= 24. 

That's my arbitrary goal for writing now. 24 blogs a year. 

This morning, I woke up not knowing where the hell number 24 was going to come from this time around. I found it here...

Season 4, Episode 8. 'The Summer Man' Mad Men. 

Don finds himself (after losing himself in bottles and vaginas), and reinvents. 

Can't start over, but you can write the next chapter. 

This episode is a critical step in Don's life arc. 

And introducing...

Character arcs. 

Every character, every person...

Fiction or non. 

Goes through a character arc. 

In its most simplistic terms, a character arc goes through this cycle; 

• Defined. 
• Conundrum. 
• Direction. 
• Re-defined. 

For example, Mr. Incredible's character arc...

He's A Super Hero and alone. 

He's no longer a Super Hero. 

He needs a team. 

He's a Super Hero again, but now, part of a team. 

To close...

1.) Set realistic goals. Sometimes you have to push through to accomplish them. But, sometimes, you need to walk away from them to seal the deal. 

2.) Reinvent, and do what helps you do that. 

3.) We all have many character arcs. Can't pass go until you pay your dues. 

In the next 365...

Set Goals. 

Reinvent. 

Follow your Arc. 

And, I almost forgot...

Happy New Year! 

The Gift of Forgiveness

 

Several years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting and working with Dr. Robert Enright. 

"Dr. Bob, as he was affectionately called, founded the International Forgiveness Institute. He studied the psychology behind forgiveness. Making it more of a science than an art. 

To understand forgiveness, one must understand what forgiveness is not. 

• Forgiveness does not mean you've forgotten the injustice. 
• Forgiveness does not mean you condone the wrongdoing. 
• Forgiveness does not mean you get revenge. 

Forgiveness is a gift. It's love.  It's generosity.  It's mercy. 

As we give this gift, we heal.  

Holding a grudge acts like a tourniquet to the flow of healing. It closes the heart and the wounds remain open. 

Real forgiveness takes strength. It takes courage. It takes honesty. It takes time. 

But it's worth it.  

So very much. 

 

Alone Again...Naturally

 

Today, I am not going to wax poetic about Gilbert O'Sullivan's iconic tune (although, I could write for days why the Michael Buble/Diana Krall version is much better). I am, instead going to go in a more soulful direction. 

Robin Williams once said, "I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone." 

I truly believe this. 

Being alone with yourself can be cathartic. It gives you time to reflect. To think. To ponder. To wonder. It settles the mind and slows your heartbeat.  Yes, you could also over-reflect or overthink when you are left to yourself but I truly believe it's needed time. 

Being with someone who makes you feel alone is a totally different undertaking. It feeds the beast that is your doubt. It spoils your lizard brain. It second-guesses. It hurts. 

If you are with someone who brings this ingredient into your life stew, move on.  

Life is too short to be with another, but alone again...

...naturally. 

Awaking, Rising, Sleeping, Setting

One awakes. One sleeps. 

One rises. One sets.  

Dawn and Dusk. 

Two separate but similar phenomenons. 

One signifies a beginning. The other...an end. 

But they aren't exclusive in meaning though.  Both are living and dying. Starting and stopping. 

A new day. A new night.  The lines are blurred...but their beauty is clear. 

Dawn and Dusk...Life and Death.  Joined at the hip.  Forever intertwined. One doesn't exist without the other.  There is joy and sadness in both.  

Take every last one in. 

Smile. Cry. Wish. Ponder. Love. 

Pure Wonderment. 

Life Can Get Muddy

 

You can learn more about life by getting a little muddy. 

We all know about the paridoxical magic of the Lotus flower. How something so beautiful is born through the muck and mess of the mud. 

It's time to dive into the muddy waters again. 

Alan Watts. A brilliant philosophical mind from the 40's, 50's, and 60's once said "muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.”

It's so true. 

If you think about it, most of the things that worry us in our lives are out of our control and should be just left alone because there's nothing you can do to affect it. 

Muddy water eventually clears up to reveal the aqua blue glow below if you let it be. 

Life can be similar. 

PS; You should also dive into the music of Muddy Waters. There are life lessons sewn into the fabric of lyrics and chords in every tune. 

 

The Art of Randsomness and Olive Diving

Olive diving. 

One of my favorite pastimes. 

Jacques Cousteau would be proud. 

For some reason, this week, I felt the insatiable urge to put on my scuba gear and dive into the depths of a martini glass. 

Mission accomplished. 

As I was snorkeling around last night, a couple came in, sat next to me, and ordered a Gin Martini and a Sauvignon Blanc.  

We started a random conversation about the differences between Pinot Grigio and Sauv Blanc and the differences between Gin and Vodka martinis. 

Delightful, brief conversation. 

The couple reminded me of my wife and me.  A couple that found each other later in life, sips from the cup that life offers every day and savors every moment. 

Plans have been made for an olive diving/grape-tasting expedition in the future. 

Randomness. 

Cousteau said it best, "from birth, man carries the weight of gravity on his shoulders. He is bolted to earth. But man has only to sink beneath the surface and he is free."

Dive in. 

Goldilocks, Will You Marry Me?

 

Sorry in advance for a small dose of cynicism. 

Remember Goldilocks and the three bears? 

One porridge was too hot. 

One porridge was too cold. 

One porridge was just right. 

I poke your memory of this because, in my humble opinion, there are three types of marriages that exist in our world. 

One where you are together living in fiction (too hot).

One where you are together living alone. (too cold). 

And, one that's just right (for you). 

Here's the thing though...

Some like it hot. 

Some like it cold. 

Nothing wrong with that. 

I will take mine "just right," please. 

The End 

The Forever Now

Have to admit...not a big pop culture fan.

Don't have a go-to TV show I must see. 

On one of my last trips to Iceland, I watched "This Is Us" on the plane ride. 

I was hooked. 

In one of the last episodes, Mandy Moore sang a song entitled "The Forever Now." 

"Cause I get this moment with you forever now."

I've lost a lot of people in this world. Some by death...others by life.  

I think about those 'forever now" moments with them. 

It usually brings smiles and tears, but the smiles win out.

I will always lean on the moments that produce the smiles. 

It's easier on the eyes.  

"Maybe all that we have is a forever now." 

Monday Morning Quarterback

 

Most have heard of the term, "Monday Morning Quarterback." 

In football, it's all about second-guessing what happened during the games over the weekend.  Guys (most who never played or coached the game) pull up their favorite barstool and paint their diatribe picture of what should've happened on the field.  

In life, "Monday morning quarterbacking" happens all the time. 

Everyone has an opinion on how you are living your life and the decisions you make. 

As Bob Marley once said, "before you point your fingers at me, you should be sure your own hands are clean." 

The only person who can play Monday morning quarterback in your life is yourself.  You are the QB, the coach, the team, the fans, the beer-tenders, etc.  Don't fall into the trap though of second-guessing and living in the past but learn from the past and revise your own playbook for the future. 

And remember, never be afraid to call an audible. 

On two! On two! 

Ready...set...

Time Machines and Regrets

I just finished "Better Call Saul" (no spoilers, I promise). 

In the series finale, Saul asked two characters if they had a time machine and could go back in time (or forward), where would they go. 

In reality, he was asking if they had any regrets in life where they could get a do-over. 

Saul's answers were material in nature whereas his counterparts answered with deep thought and introspection. 

I've thought about this a lot since I watched it and to quote the Chairman of the Board, "regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention." 

I won't go into my personal time machine, but I do think it's OK to ponder about these time machine moments, but don't dwell on them. Learn from them. Grow from them. Change from them. But, don't let them define you. 

What about you?  Whether it be Doc Brown or Doctor Who facilitating, where would you go? 

Just remember though...

Saul gone, but not forgotten. 

I Hate this Phone Plan

I've taken "that call" several times in my life. 

The ring is ominous. It's different than others. 

You can feel it. You know it. Your brain, your heart, your soul. You know. 

That phone call with the news. 

The end. They are gone. 

Searching for the words. Finding the pain.  Direction-less. Have to plan, but frozen.  A moment in time. The forever now. Memories. The "new" normal. 

All three different, but similar. 

I've had others but these three are the ones. 

I hate that call. 

Next time, I am telling them...

Wrong number. 

Seal the Edge

Sealing the edge is a critical element for any successful football team.  It opens up the field and allows you to run the outside alley. 

It's another football lesson that translates really well into life. 

What's the thing in your life that you must seal?  Your health?  Your family?  Your fortune? Whatever it is, you must fight for it at all costs. 

The game of football rides parallel to the tracks of life. 

It takes a team to be successful. You can't do your life alone. 

It takes hard work. Life isn't hard but it does take hard work to get the most out of it.  

It's a game of inches.  Think back on your life and think about the gravity of one seemingly small (at the time) decision or move and the effect it might've had on the rest of your life. 

Practice makes perfect. Life is about learning from the past (not living in it) and growing. 

Sometimes the ball takes a funny bounce.   Always.  

Vince Lombardi once said, "the greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall."  This is the quintessence of life. 

Huddle up. 

Live your life. Set...Go. 

I Believe

“… and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.”

We all have seen “Bull Durham” with Kevin Costner, Susan Sarandon, and Tim Robbins and we all remember the iconic scene where Crash tells Annie and Nuke what he believes in. 

Crash covered a lot of ground with that speech and I am 100% in agreement with what he said.  But, there’s a bit more ground we need to cover. 

I believe in drinking my coffee to the sunrise. 

I believe, if set up correctly, the play action pass is the greatest tool in an offense. 

I believe in constant reading and learning. 

I believe a good coach can make a lifetime of differences. 

I believe the key to selling anything is listening. 

I believe in sitting on the kitchen floor after sex, naked and with blankets on. 

I believe in the moon and the stars. 

I believe the Tight End position is the best to play, watch, and coach. 

I believe the price tag doesn’t define the wine. 

I believe in making pasta on Sundays. 

I believe Jack Kerouac and Alan Watts were two of the most insightful humans ever to grace this planet.

I believe the Green Bay Packers are the greatest sports franchise of all time. 

And, I believe you can never say “I love you” enough. 

Lessons from Maverick, Goose, Rooster, Ice Man and even Bob

 

My wife and I saw "Top Gun: Maverick today (I promise...no spoilers, and we loved it).  

Little did Maverick know he wasn't just teaching the new recruits in Top Gun but he was teaching us in the audience too. 

School is in so here are my top ten lessons from the flick; 

1.) Sometimes you need to stop thinking and just do. 

2.) You have to learn to let go. 

3.) There WILL be a time for the next generation to take over. 

4.) Everyone needs a good wingman (or woman). 

5.) The impossible CAN be made possible at times.  

6.) Don't put your cellphone down on the bar. 

7.) Don't underestimate the "Bob" in your group. 

8.) Sometimes, rules are made to be broken. 

9.) You can go home again. 

10.) If you are coaching, teaching, or leading someone...show them that it CAN be done. 

And a bonus lesson...

Yes, Tom Cruise looked good reprising his role and I know he pays attention to his looks and health. 

I just had my annual physical and at the tender age of almost 55...my doc said I was in excellent shape...even better than last year, so...

Always take care of yourself. 

Always. 

I remember…

 

I remember birth night.  One was easier. One was scarier. One was planned scariness. 

I remember 2am feedings. One on a chair in the middle, two on the rocking chair from Dad. 

I remember the first cribs, bibs, and dibs. 

I remember the first smiles, tears, and fears. 

I remember the first talks, walks and, gawks. 

I remember the first games, dances, and prances. 

Black and white soccer balls and pirouettes. 

Running until no one catches you. 

Scoring and smiling. 

Memories that make you smile. 

Time passes. 

Older. 

Change. 

Life. 

The Program

 

What does it take to build a 'program?' 

The kind that lasts.  The kind that lingers. The kind that leaves a lifetime impression. 

A program outlives names and titles.  A program has lively tentacles that reach out and touch everyone and everything within reach. 

A team.  A business.  A marriage.  A family.  

What does it take? 

1.) Vision 

2.) Passion 

3.) Intestinal fortitude

4.) Humility

5.) Love 

6.) Intelligence 

7.) Patience 

8.) That "one thing." 

Remember "City Slickers?" 

"Do you know what the secret of life is?... One thing.  Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest don't mean shit

...that's what you have to find out." 

That's a Program. 

"Brown right. Motion. Tailback slant." 

You know the rest...

• 
  

Vending Life

 

My wife has a saying...

"Don't keep expecting a Pepsi when you go to the Coke machine." 

In human terms, don't expect to get something different from people in your life that have shown the inability to get there. 

So true.  

If you manage your expectations on the front side, you minimize the disappointment on the backside. 

If someone in your life always has a glass half empty, chances are you will go away still thirsty.  The opposite holds true as well.  It's a safe bet.  Money well spent. 

Now, with that being said...

Every once in a while, someone stocks the machine wrong and you end up getting a Pepsi. 

It can happen.  

When it does, drink it in. Savor the taste because it won't last. But, it sure does hit the spot, doesn't it?

So whether you are looking for  "a new generation" or you want to "open happiness,"  you can find both just remember what vending machine you are at. 

REM Was Right

 

When your day is long
And the night, the night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough
Of this life, well hang on

Don't let yourself go
'Cause everybody cries
Everybody hurts sometimes

REM and Michael Stipe not only struck a musical chord with their 1992 hit, "Everybody Hurts" but a human chord as well. 

Everybody DOES hurt. 

if you sit down in a crowded bar and looked around, everyone there is hurting.  Everyone there carries a painful burden in their heart.  If you queried the patrons, some of the scars may not seem that deep to you but I guarantee, it's deep for them. 

I dated a girl a long time ago, who cried every time this song came on and all I could do was hold her and let her cry. 

I think this is why we bump around into other humans (either on purpose or by accident).  

So we can feel.  

So we can heal.  

The next time the scab is picked on your wound and you start to bleed again, please remember...don't let yourself go. 

Hold on. 

Hold on. 

Happy Places

 “Just for a moment, amid all the bad stuff, this was a happy place again.”

McDonald's is a brilliant marketer. 

They took a hamburger, fries, and drink and re-branded it as a "happy meal."  Sometimes, you even got a toy with it.  They took the "every day" and made it something special.  No matter what kind of day you were having, a happy meal always made it better. 

Do you have a "happy place?"  

I know, happiness is a mindset and not necessarily connected to a physical place but we all have those special places where we are insulated from the real world. Where the monsters under our bed can't get us.  Where the darkness doesn't exist.  

I can honestly say, most of my happy places are more closely associated with the people who I am with but there are these special places that just seem different when I am there. 

Having "happy places" is a healthy concept.  Whether you have talked yourself into the magic of the location or not, it's important to spend time there. 

Life is beautiful but can be hard. 

Life is play but takes work. 

We all need our "happy places." 

"Can you supersize that, please."

What's your Sign?

 

The Phoenix. 

"Rising from the ashes."

The ancient Greeks and Egyptians described this mythical bird as a magnificent creature that was a worshiped deity. Each Phoenix lived for 500 years and right before his time was up, the Phoenix built a nest and set itself on fire. 

Renewal. Restart. Redo. Perseverance. 

The Lotus. 

"Out of the mud, comes beauty." 

The Lotus flower is the perfect similitude for the human condition. Its roots are in the dirtiest waters, yet the Lotus still produces the most glorious bloom.  

Purity. Enlightenment. Self Regeneration. Rebirth.

Symbols of symbols. 

My two favorite. 

They uplift. Give strength. Help get through. 

And, you? 

What's your sign? 

Sunshine, Shadows, and Scars

 I love the sun. 

Especially when the sun makes its daily grand entrance and when it takes a bow for another brilliant performance before it retires to sleep. 

The sun warms. It grows. It brightens and enlightens. 

It also gives life to shadows and imperfections.

When the sun brightens your space, shadows come from corners and crevices and creep along their way. The sun also highlights things like crumbs and cat hairs invisible to the naked, shadowed eye. 

It's the paradox of life. 

Sunshine is so giving. So great. To soak it up like Timothy Green is an amazing feeling. But too much sun withers and fades as well.  

Sun giveth, sun taketh away. 

The good and the bad. We can't feel one without the other. You can’t feel the joy without experiencing the pain. The pain of a scar runs deep but the scar remains seen to give us strength. 

The imperfections of a perfect Sun. 

As is life. 

The Human Current

We've all heard of an electric current, right? 

An electric current is a stream of charged particles, such as electrons or ions, moving through an electrical conductor or space.

But have you heard of "the human current?" 

The human current is when two people cross paths (seemingly random) and connect at some level for a reason not known at the time, but later, the purpose of the encounter becomes clearer.  

I've had several of these random encounters recently. 

One was brought about over a story told on the radio about another random encounter several years ago. 

One was brought about by a friend of a friend. 

And another was brought about by a note to a mutual acquaintance. 

All three proved to bring deeper meaning that was originally evident on the surface. You don't realize the spark that can be created by these 'random' connections.  These human interactions and encounters drive us.  They keep us going. They give the fuel that we need to realize it's all worth it. 

Always be looking for these.  Always be plugged into the human current. 

On. 

Which Loss Loses More

 “All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.”

Loss. 

We all have experienced it in one form or another. 

Whether unexpected or something known, the sting and hurt from the loss can be crippling. 

But what loss loses more?  Death or walking out? 

By walking out, I mean that someone is still very much alive but no longer is in your life.  For whatever reason.  Anger. Indifference. Or simply, growing apart. 

Death has a finality to it but I will argue the memories tend to be sweeter. 

Walking out still presents hope but there's more sadness to it. 

Each one takes a piece of you away.  Your wholeness is compromised. 

But like damaged muscles, tendons, and ligaments, the area around it usually gets stronger. Make the area around your hurt stronger. 

"Anything you lose comes around in another form." 

Always. 

PS; That's a picture of my Dad and Sister. I have lost both. 

How High is your Bar

 

Ever date someone who told you horror stories of their ex?  

Made you feel pretty good about having a chance to clear the bar that was previously established, right? Basically, in some cases, all you had to do was take a normal step and the bar was in the distant past. 

If the past relationship was McDonald's, you need to shoot for a four-star restaurant. 

When you are setting personal goals, you need to ask yourself, "how high is the bar?"

Setting it too high, sets yourself up for failure and disappointment.

Setting it too low, leads to unfulfilled potential. 

Always ask first, how high is the bar, and then find the right height and take a run at it. 

Ready, set, go! 

PS; Several years ago, I told you about a bar in the Cayman Islands named Calico Jack's and I said the barstools and bar are ungodly high but the climb was worth it.  This latest brain dump made me think of that because...they set the bar high. 😉