The Waiting Game

 

An uncomfortable quietness mixed with a feeling of helplessness. Uneasy anticipation. Impatiently waiting for the news.  

The hospital waiting room. 

Unlike in days of yore, when expectant fathers waited in the waiting room, today's waiting room is usually filled with a thick haze of despair.  

Hoping to hear that "everything went well" or "she is going to be okay." 

The minutes go by and it feels like a lifetime. 

You wonder what others are there for.  What are their stories? 

You could stretch your legs and get coffee to pass the time. Maybe, you read. Maybe, you watch TV mindlessly while you wait for the doors to open and call your name.  Whatever you can do to keep your mind going where you don't want it to go. 

Tom Petty said it best. "The waiting is the hardest part."  You are in limbo as your and your loved one's fates are in someone else's hands but the next time you find yourself in the waiting room, be kind to yourself, hold onto hope, and give yourself permission to feel what you are feeling.  It's Ok to be frightened of the "what if" and be excited about the "what could be." 

"The doctor will see you now."

Let's Get Physical

 

Before we discuss my latest physical, I need to give a prologue about Olivia Newton-John. 

It was a dream. Probably nine...maybe ten years old.  I still remember it like it was yesterday. 

Apparently, in my dream, Olivia was not only good friends with my sister but also an ex-girlfriend of mine (yes, the sleepover my sister had was awkward).  She drove me to my grade school (on a motorcycle of course) as we said our last goodbyes. She dropped me off, we hugged and kissed each other goodbye and that was it.  My first love...over, and there was no Danny Zuko comeback.  I was hopelessly devoted to her. 

Now, onto the real meat of tonight's diatribe.  My annual physical. I started seeing my new Doc last year when I moved and it was really just about who was seeing new patients.  Last year, high cholesterol.  Low blood pressure, triglycerides, and weight.  This year, low cholesterol and blood pressure and higher triglycerides and weight.  It's always something when you're getting older (I still can't figure out how I got this old).  The good news is that there is no bad news about the prostate, liver, or kidneys. 

A check-up is important. Both physically and mentally.  Your body and mind work together to get through this thing called life. Your soul then, follows. Take care of yourself.  Cleanse the brain and the bod every once in a while. 

Cheat sometimes, but don't cheat yourself.  Treat yourself, but not always with treats.  Care and be cared. Moderate and indulge. Live the teeter-totter to the fullest. 

Here's the thing...I've known way too many people who have died young (yes, anything under 70 is young).  I don't want to lose another. 

Time for some Xanadu. 

Pain

 Traveling for work and decided to catch a movie.  A Real Pain. 

Afterward, my wife asked me if it was good. 

It was.  I also said it was interesting.  She thought that might be akin to saying a blind date you met "had a good personality."  But that wasn't the case.  It truly was both.  

There was sadness mixed with joy.  Playfulness muddled with dread.  Innocence blended with scars. 

I tried to find the meaning and I came away with the feeling that through pain, we feel.  Through pain, we endure.  Through pain, we connect.  Real pain makes you feel alive. 

Recently, I was feeling pain.  It was because a series of seemingly unrelated circumstances that were all thrown into the pot and simmered until it reached a boil.  After some tears, honest talks, and  reconnections, I felt the healing salve. 

Ironically, in an empty theater, I felt connected.  Calm and at peace.  Maybe it was the pain before.  Maybe it was the cocktail before.  Maybe it was the story I was watching.  Maybe...it's just a part of healing. 

Maybe...

I Vote For...

 

We just experienced one of the more controversial elections in our history. I tip my hat to those who voted and had their voice heard. Whether you are blue or red, we move on and turn another chapter. 

Every day, we make a choice.  Every day, we vote. 

I vote for capturing every sunrise and sunset.

I vote for lazy Sunday mornings with breakfast in bed. 

I vote for hugs, kisses, and laughter. 

I vote for warm fires and blankets on cold, winter nights. 

I vote to stay naked after sex. 

I vote to love our children. 

I vote to walk away from people who drain you. 

I vote to travel. 

I vote to dance.  Where ever and whenever. 

I vote to read. 

I vote for being kind. 

I vote for the little things in life. 

I vote to always try and live my life to the fullest. 

I vote for the sport of football. 

We do our duty every four years to elect our leader, and, sometimes it doesn't work out the way we want...but we still vote. 

Just like life.  We don't always succeed, but we still need to choose. We still need to vote. 

Always...until the polls close. 

With a Little Help from My Friends

 

Whether it be the raspy vocals of Joe Cocker or the harmonic tones of The Beatles, the message was clear...

"Getting by with a little help from our friends" is the main ingredient to our stew of life. 

We all get stuck in neutral sometimes.  We all feel the roller coaster inching its way back down.  We all walk through the muddy pool (that's necessary for the Lotus to grow). 

We shouldn't feel like we are flying this mission solo.  We should feel like we are a part of something bigger. Connected. When we lose contact with mission control, the system is broken and malfunctions occur.  

When that happens, go the Bell Telephone route...reach out and touch someone.  

Today. 

PS: If you don't have a friend to reach out to, please make the call.  Counseling works.  

What if the Triple Lindy Was It?

Thornton Melon.  The Rodney Dangerfield character from the movie "Back to School," the 1986 comedy where Melon decides to go back to school to help his son Jason find his way. 

It was filmed in Madison, Wisconsin on the UW Madison campus.  I was a freshman.  They announced open auditions for extras and since I was an aspiring actor at the time, I figured "Why not?" 

The line outside Headliners was blocks long with hundreds of students looking to get a big break. They let 5-7 of us in at a time.  As the hours dragged on, the random thoughts of what might be kept creeping in.  We were not told what roles the extras would play, but that didn't matter.  It was our big shot. 

I entered with 5 others and walked on stage almost like a police lineup as none of us knew what to expect.  The lights were bright and after a few minutes of just standing there, a silhouette of a person yelled out..."Numbers 2, 3, and 5, thank you for your time, we won't be needing you."  I was number 1. 

After all of that, that was that.  And, scene...

Turns out the extra roles they were looking for were "drunken frat guys."  I guess it was somewhat complimentary to hear I didn't look the part. 

But, what if that was one of those key turning points in life?  We never know when a left turn or a right makes all the difference in life's road.  Was it fate?  Is our path pre-ordained or is life a multiple-choice exam where we have several distinct branches depending on our decisions, choices, or cards that are dealt? 

We will never know because of course, it's a hypothetical question.  Still, that being the case, one does wonder.  

I guess I will never know if the Triple Lindy was really it for me...

...even with the additional springboard. 

To Fall

 

Autumn.  

A time of change. A time of transition.  A time where nature blooms one more time before it dies from Winter’s sharp, icy blade. A necessary death that leads to re-birth. 

As leaves fall from the trees and leave them barren, we realize…such is life.  

We have to lose to grow again.  To see the colors, we have to feel the black and white.  To live…a part of us must die. 

But there is a reason for the kaleidoscope of paint before the darkness that is to come.  It’s to appreciate the beauty that is. Such is life.  

Mother Nature realized that death is a part of our seasons.  Such is life. 

We must fall…so that we can learn how to get back up again. 

To Fall.